I heard a lot about repentance this week in Vacation Bible School and it started me thinking about my own repentance.
You see I was caught up in resentment, bitterness, and hateful emotions again. For me repentance is more than just changing directions or behavior, it goes much deeper than that. For me to change requires a change of mind. Not just change my mind not to feel those feelings, but to actually think with a new mind. You see as a believer in the finished work of Jesus on the cross, as a new creation, I have the mind of Christ.
Well obviously the mind of Christ is not telling me to be hateful, so I can only come to one conclusion: I have lost my mind. In reality I have not lost my mind, but have bought into a lie that says I have not died with Christ and been risen again with Him into new life.
So now I have identified the problem, and continue to tell myself the truth. That I am secure and significant in Christ and another persons actions are not an accurate indication of my worth. But I'm not buying it.
So I pull out the big guns. Step one: God, I am powerless over my unbelief, and my life has become unmanageable. I believe, please help my unbelief. Convince me once again that I have died with Christ and that I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. And the life I now live, I live by faith in the One who died and gave himself up for me. Convince me once again that I am secure and significant, that I have worth apart from my performance or an others performance or opinion. Restore me to my right mind. I have the assurance that even though I might not feel it, I know that God will once again convince me of my true identity as His beloved child, and that He will guide me.
So when those false, negative emotions raise their ugly heads, I don't even fight with them, I just tell them it's in God's hands and I'm not even going down their road.