I can't help but think about life and it's uncertainties lately. With all the stuff happening in the world today, the saying you aren't
promised tomorrow is suddenly very real. I couldn't help but wonder how I would have reacted if I had been in the towers that day, would I have been strong and brave or weak and cowardly. Or how I would react now if I contracted a disease. I really hope and even told a couple people, that when my time comes I really hope I will go out in faith, with my head held high, strong and brave. But nobody really knows how they will react to death until it looks them square in the face.
The funny thing is that today I realized the same question applies to today and how I am going to live. Am I living in faith, with my head held high, strong and brave? Or am I thrown around by my circumstance at any given moment? Truth is I am thrown around by my circumstances of that particular moment. I'm full of faith, walking with head held high, strong and brave as long as things are going my way, but let one thing go wrong and watch out. I am suddenly a weak coward ready to trample anyone that gets in my way.
I figure if I can't live in faith, strong and brave, chances are I won't die that way. So I gave myself a good talking to today. See, my route at work has been changed and it is not going too good. Management thinks the change should have been an even steven swap, well it is taking me longer to do my route now than before. And now the person that you could count on to come through the work room doors in the morning with a smile, comes in on edge ready for the days encounter with the supervisor. The person that could almost always have a friendly word won't even make eye contact with her supervisor, for fear of the look, you know the one that says I'm not measuring up. And I've been guilty of a few "I hate your xxxxx guts!" looks. I spend my days playing beat the clock always running behind and never seeming to get caught up.
So I gave myself a talking to, because I want to see LIFE in the middle of this in spite of my circumstance and guess what? It worked! All the way until I reached a box that was still full of the previous days mail. Well I'm still playing beat the clock and I don't have time to mess around trying to figure out what to do with their mail and I blow it once again. Killing these people in my head because they have not only gotten in the way of me meeting my time schedule but now they've pushed me over the edge and I didn't make my goal of handling this crisis full of faith, head held high, full of courage.
So where does the good news come into all this? How do I LIVE life full of faith, strong and courageous when things don't go my way? I was sitting here reading my e-mail and it hit me. The same way I handle all my other problems that I can't seem to get a handle on.
- Step 1: I am powerless over making this miraculous LIFE flow out of me, and my life apart from that LIFE is totally unmanageable, in fact I think it is death.
- Step 2: I believe that God is able to restore me to my right mind and I will see LIFE flowing through me regardless of my circumstances.
Now if I can just keep myself from obsessing on trying to make it happen
and watch as it unfolds beautifully around me.